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August 1, 2010

Fred the magical ninja cat

By:

Fred, circa 1969

Hello world, here’s a public service announcement regarding our national security.

Fred the magical ninja cat, better known as Jack the magical ninja cactus’ cousin, is a pretty rad cat, albeit somewhat mediocre as a ninja. Best known for his famous Broadway hit “The dawn of the living ninja cat zombies” of 1934, he is also fondly remembered for his pivotal role in the cuban missile crisis, in which he reportedly played a key advisory role to president John F. Kennedy by soothingly meowing to him in his sleep.  His key part in the crisis would however draw the unwanted attention of the Russians, who saw that he could be used to further their own ends.

When Fred was six years old, he was recruited to a special camp for super smart kittens. While Fred thought this camp was to make him smarter, he was actually being trained as a sleeper spy by the KGB. What they taught him was to assemble guns, complete complex spatial puzzles and sharpen his skills at instinctual analysis. However, Fred forgot all of these skills until he was later called into action by the KGB and hypnotized to reveal all the spy skills that he learned at age six. If you see Fred, be aware that he is armed and dangerous. He might be your neighbor’s cat, your cat, or he might even be you. He’s just that good.

Fred’s current whereabouts are unknown, as are his intentions and the number of lives he has left.

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